118 - The Worst of 2019 →

CW: Rape, Sexual Assault, Animal Cruelty

Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1212539244993867776

While Kelsey and Chris are off on their honeymoon, start the new year off right with a look back at the worst movies they covered on the podcast in 2019! Plus, our personal worst lists and the 10 movies that divided us the most!

To listen to these episodes and check out their individual source credits, click the links below:

10: http://bit.ly/35jvBT1
9: http://bit.ly/2SMYxjC
8: http://bit.ly/2sJYSZH
7: http://bit.ly/2QkJfB9
6: http://bit.ly/2rLSD7c
5: http://bit.ly/2SMZjgt
4: http://bit.ly/2QJZ43h
3: http://bit.ly/36wmxLK
1 (Tied): http://bit.ly/2rOSHmK
1 (Tied): http://bit.ly/2QLfvw2

Additional Audio Sources:
"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

117 - Bloody New Year (1987) & New Year, New You (2018) →

CW: Suicide, Bullying

Worst of 2019 - #8 Bloody New Year

Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1211413429241597952

It’s New Year's on Pod Sematary! This week, Chris and Kelsey get trapped in a time loop and go DF!

The Classic Film: Bloody New Year (1987)
"Five shipwrecked English teenagers take refuge in an island hotel that is decorated for New Years. The problem is, it's early summer, and soon enough, even the walls themselves are striking out against them” (IMDb.com). Even the director gave up on this movie, and we can see why.

The Modern Film: New Year, New You (2018)
"A group of old friends gather for a girls' night on New Year's Eve. But as they begin to rehash old memories, many of the gripes they've been harboring manifest in murderous ways” (IMDb.com). Part of “Into the Dark,” a Hulu Original horror anthology series produced by Blumhouse, this New Year’s episode explores what can happen when alpha-female bullies become internet influencers. 

Audio Sources:
“Bloody New Year” produced by Cinema and Theatre Seating Limited & Lazer Entertainment
“New Year, New You” (Into the Dark, S01E04) produced by Blumhouse Television
"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

116 - Jack Frost (1997) & Rare Exports (2010) →

CW: Rape

Best of 2019 - #10 Rare Exports

Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1208895433818423297

It’s the second week of Christmas on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey give you the gift of some actually pretty good (and one pretty great) Christmas horror movies!

The Classic Film: Jack Frost (1997)
"After an accident [leaves] murderer Jack Frost dead in genetic material, the vengeful killer returns as a murderous snowman to exact his revenge on the man who sent him to be executed” (IMDb.com). Chris & Kelsey went into this one with expectations that matched the low budget of this tongue-in-cheek snowman slasher and were pleasantly surprised to find a level of cleverness peaking just above all of the garbage to make it worth watching. Send the children to bed; this isn’t the Michael Keaton family "classic."

The Modern Film: Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale (2010)
"In the depths of the Korvatunturi mountains, 486 meters deep, lies the closest ever guarded secret of Christmas. The time has come to dig it up. This Christmas everyone will believe in Santa Claus” (rareexportsmovie.com). A well-shot, -acted, and -written Santa film from the land of the midnight sun, Rare Exports was a pleasant surprise in more than just the plot twists. Consider watching the movie before checking out the shorts it was based on.

Audio Sources:
"Die Hard" produced by Twentieth Century Fox, et al.
"Finland" written and performed by Michael Palin
"Jack Frost" (1997) produced by Frost Bite Films Ltd., et al.
"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones
"Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale" produced by Cinet, et al.
"The World is Not Enough" produced by Eon Productions, et al.

115 - Christmas Evil (1980) & A Christmas Horror Story (2015) →

CW: Abortion, Self Harm, Rape

Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1206343899075072001

It’s the first of two weeks of Christmas on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey prepare for a bad winter this year and are surprised to find two holiday-themed horror flicks that don't suck!

The Classic Film: Christmas Evil (1980)
"A toy factory worker, mentally scarred as a child upon learning Santa Claus is not real, suffers a nervous breakdown after being belittled at work, and embarks on a Yuletide killing spree” (IMDb.com). This holiday favorite of camp icon John Waters is a slow boil but it's a surprisingly unique take on the killer Santa trope. It manages to take itself very seriously and still be fun at the same time.

The Modern Film: A Christmas Horror Story (2015)
"Interwoven stories that take place on Christmas Eve, as told by one festive radio host: A family brings home more than a Christmas tree, a student documentary becomes a living nightmare, a Christmas spirit terrorizes, [and] Santa slays evil” (IMDb.com). While the vignettes never should have been interwoven in the first place and some are not as good as the rest (::cough:: the students ::cough::), a delightful tone and killer ending really redeem this holiday anthology.

Audio Sources:
“Christmas Evil” produced by Edward R. Pressman Productions
"A Christmas Horror Story" produced by Copperheart Entertainment
"National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" produced by Warner Bros. & Hughes Entertainment
"Night of the Sentinels: Part 2" (X-Men: The Animated Series S01E02) produced by Marvel Entertainment, et al.
"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones
"Valzer dei Fiori" composed by Pyotr Tchaikovsky

114 - Pet Sematary II (1992) & It Chapter Two (2019) →

CW: Rape, Suicide, Domestic Abuse, Homophobia, Distressing sequences involving animals

Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1203531590904795136

It’s Stephen King Sequels Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey go back to the well to revive Stephen King adaptions in the form of sequels!

The Classic Film: Pet Sematary II (1992)
"A teenage boy and his father move to his recently-deceased mother's hometown, where they encounter the ancient Native American cemetery with the power to raise the dead” (IMDb.com). This bonkers sequel is fairly lovable in its weirdness, even if the ending goes a little off the rails.

The Modern Film: It Chapter Two (2019)
"Twenty-seven years after their first encounter with the terrifying Pennywise, the Losers Club have grown up and moved away, until a devastating phone call brings them back” (IMDb.com). Having enjoyed Chapter One in episode 15 of the podcast (or “liked okay” in Kelsey’s case), we were surprised to find that Chapter Two was massively hobbled in what appears to be an attempt to end the story and include every popular ingredient from the first chapter at the same time. Simply put: it does not work.

Plus! Our spoiler-free thoughts on the Netflix adaptation of King and Hill's In the Tall Grass!

Audio Sources:
"Christine" produced by Columbia Pictures, et al.
"Clueless" produced by Paramount Pictures
"Fading Away" performed by Jan King
“It Chapter Two” produced by New Line Cinema, et al.
"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones
“Pet Sematary II” produced by Paramount Pictures & Columbus Circle Films
“Poison Heart” written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones
"Reverence" written by William Reid & Jim Reid and performed by The Jesus and Mary Chain
"Theme from M*A*S*H (Suicide Is Painless)" written by Johnny Mandel (music) & Mike Altman (lyrics) and performed by The Mash
"Training / Credits" (from "Punch-Out!!" [NES]) composed and arranged by Yukio Kaneoka, Akito Nakatsuka, and Kenji Yamamoto
"Weird Satanist Guy" via BowserVids @ www.youtube.com/watch?v=YErFwJX0HKE

113 - Alien (1979) & Prometheus (2012) →

CW: Rape, Pregnancy

Best of 2019 - #3 (Tied) Alien

Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1200989603081023489

It’s Alien Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey intercept a distress signal and then never make a good decision ever again.

The Classic Film: Alien (1979)
"After a space merchant vessel perceives an unknown transmission as a distress call, its landing on the source moon finds one of the crew attacked by a mysterious lifeform, and they soon realize that its life cycle has merely begun” (IMDb.com). Like… it’s Alien, dawg. What are you even doing?

The Modern Film: Prometheus (2012)
"Following clues to the origin of mankind, a team finds a structure on a distant moon, but they soon realize they are not alone” (IMDb.com). So maybe it has a “Mystery Box” problem. Maybe the plot is only propelled by characters making the absolute worst decisions at every turn. But there’s a lot there to enjoy and it’s certainly not as bad as everyone made it out to be.

Audio Sources:
"Alien" produced by Brandywine Productions & Twentieth Century-Fox Productions
"The Beginning: Making Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace" produced by Lucasfilm Ltd.
"How to pronounce Charlize Theron & Emily Blunt Interview THE HUNTSMAN & THE ICE QUEEN" via CELEBRITY INTERVIEWS Parviz Khosrawi @ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMWeu8Bqj8w
"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones
"Prometheus" produced by Twentieth Century Fox, et al.
"Thank You for Smoking" produced by Room 9 Entertainment, et al.

112 - Blood Freak (1972) & ThanksKilling (2009) →

CW: Rape, racism, homophobia, ableism, drug addiction.

Worst of 2019 - #9 ThanksKilling

Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1198374745512628225

It’s Thanksgiving Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey get stuffed this week by two very bad Thanksgiving films, only one of which is actually worth feasting on.

The Classic Film: Blood Freak (1972)
A Vietnam veteran/biker meets a pretty religious girl on the road and "winds up at a drug party with the girl's sister, then follows her to a turkey farm owned by her father, a mad scientist. The father turns the biker into a giant turkey monster who goes after drug dealers” (IMDb.com). This Thanksgiving stinker is bot remarkably terrible and terribly remarkable. Maybe get drunk or stoned and watch this one with friends.

The Modern Film: ThanksKilling (2008)
"A homicidal turkey axes off college kids during Thanksgiving break” (IMDb.com). Yup. It does what it says on the tin.

Audio Sources:
"Blood Freak" produced by Sampson Motion Picture Production Company
"The Cabin in the Woods" produced by Lionsgate, et al.
"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones
"ThanksKilling" produced by In Broad Daylight Films

111 - Mirror Mirror (1990) & Look Away (2018) →

CW: Rape, Eating Disorder, Child Molestation

Worst of 2019 - #10 Look Away

Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1195823977362530304

It’s Evil Mirror Image Week on Pod Sematary! In this episode, Kelsey rubs her gum on an old, dusty mirror and Chris makes out with his reflection! Thanks for the recommendations, Diane!

The Classic Film: Mirror Mirror (1990)
"A teenage girl begins receiving black magic power through an antique mirror that drips blood, not realizing the mirror is controlled by demonic forces” (IMDb.com). Yet another horror movie that doesn't know what a monkey's paw is, Mirror Mirror still manages to be quite a lot of confusing fun.

The Modern Film: Look Away (2018)
"Look Away is a psychological thriller that tells the story of Maria, an alienated high-school student whose life is turned upside down when she switches places with her sinister mirror image” (Vertical Entertainment). This film picked a metaphor that it completely undermines with its own core premise, if that's any indication of its overall quality.

Audio Sources:
"Blade Runner" produced by Warner Bros., et al.
"Look Away" produced by Ace in the Hole Films, et al.
"Mirror Mirror" produced by Orphan Eyes
"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

110 - Martin (1977) & May (2002) →

CW: Rape, suicide, cutting, violence involving animals

It’s Broken Romantics Week on Pod Sematary! Chris & Kelsey relate to some very awkward weirdos in two films about introverts with murderous fetishes.

The Classic Film: Martin (1977)
"A young man, who believes himself to be a vampire, goes to live with his elderly and hostile cousin in a small Pennsylvania town where he tries to redeem his blood-craving urges” (IMDb.com). This under-remembered Romero classic throws out almost every vampire trope to show humanity's cursed desires in the hot light of day.

The Modern Film: May (2002)
"A socially awkward veterinary assistant with a lazy eye and obsession with perfection descends into depravity after developing a crush on a boy with perfect hands” (IMDb.com). A surprisingly fun, little-known horror flick (thanks for the recommendation, Benny!), May surprised us with its wahjah, relatable humor, and charming killer protagonist.

Audio Sources:
"Make It With You" written by David Gates and performed by Bread
“Martin” (Film) produced by Laurel Entertainment Inc.
"Martin" (Song) written by Marc Almond & Dave Ball and performed by Soft Cell
“May” produced by 2 Loop Films & A Loopy Production LLC
"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones

109 - The Terminator (1984) & Morgan (2016) →

Best of 2019 - #7 The Terminator

Read our afterthoughts for this episode at https://twitter.com/PodSematary/status/1191101921525940224

It’s Manufactured Assassin Week on Pod Sematary! Chris gets pedantic about robot terminology (what else is new?) and Kelsey sings Burnin' in the Third Degree! Thanks to listener Harry for the recommendation!

The Classic Film: The Terminator (1984)
"A seemingly indestructible robot is sent from 2029 to 1984 to assassinate a young waitress, whose unborn son will lead humanity in a war against sentient machines, while a human soldier from the same war is sent to protect her at all costs” (IMDb.com). The first film in the Terminator franchise is probably the closest the series ever gets to straight-up slasher-horror. Don’t worry; we don’t bicker about the logic of time travel.

The Modern Film: Morgan (2016)
"A corporate risk-management consultant must decide whether or not to terminate an artificially created humanoid being.” (IMDb.com). Chris & Kelsey saw this movie when it came out and subsequently forgot everything about it beyond the premise. After they watch it again, this entirely passable flick (that doesn’t seem at all concerned with being anything beyond superficial) reinforces precisely why it doesn’t stick in your brain.

Audio Sources:
"Arnold Schwarzenegger and Linda Hamilton Respond to IGN Comments" via IGN @ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1d_CtQOh54
"Arnold Schwarzenegger Breaks Down His Most Iconic Characters | GQ" via GQ @ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srksXVEkfAs
"Beverly Hills Cop" produced by Paramount Pictures, et al.
“Morgan” produced by Scott Free Productions, et al.
"Pet Sematary" written by Dee Dee Ramone & Daniel Rey and performed by The Ramones
“The Terminator” produced by Hemdale, et al.
"Terminator 2: Judgement Day" produced by Carolco Pictures, et al.
"Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines" (Deleted Scene & Arnold Schwarzenegger Commentary) produced by C-2 Pictures, et al.